The unbearable lightness of losing

When you recover from the flu or other serious illness, for days afterward your mornings begin with the joyous recognition of health. You feel well.. and this new sense returns again and again over a few days as you are able to climb stairs, open subborn jar lids, and pick up your 40 lb toddler.

When I was unemployed for about two years, I felt very down on myself. I couldn't drive by a McDonald's without thinking about the teenagers inside who were able to get a job, who had jobs, while I didn't have one. This was a very bad time in my life.

When I became employed again, I was thrilled and happy for about a month. Routine set in, and the realization that the job was very difficult and I had doubts about my ability to stand up to it. I still (five years later) feel grateful to have a job, and think of that quite frequently, especially in today's economic climate. But it no longer gives me an emotional lift.

I have been overweight my entire life, and obese during the last few years. I'm still overweight, but now that I have lost so much of the weight, and am close to normal weight, I feel incredible shining joy, a sense of control, and admiration for myself 10 to 20 times a day. Just now, I took a break from work and sat for a few minutes in my recliner. A cat was there first... but we were able to share just fine. She was happy to keep her comfy spot and to have me so close. I was thrilled to be able to fit my butt and a medium sized cat into one chair.